I'm sorry I haven't written in so long but I have been going through a lot of physical and emotional crap. As you know I had a "Non-Cerebral" stroke that fucked up my left side only weeks after having a minor heart attack. Well about 6 weeks after the stroke I threw some blood clots and Killed off a major portion of my spleen.
My day to day physical strength seems to wax and wane for unknown reasons but is most definitely on the decline. My left hand is all but a claw most of the time and I'm starting to have tendon pain when I stretch it out. Add to that the fact that my doctor has put me on a diet I cannot stick to, not because of cravings but because I have no kitchen in order to prepare my own food. We eat out all the time.
My emotional and spiritual life is just as bad I'm always on the verge of tears feel like there is no hope most of the time but I know that's bullshit intellectually so I keep plowing on.
I am now on Social Security (SSI) and Medicaid so at least my meds and doctors appointments are covered. But I just had to basically throw myself to the floor to get out of the bath tub. I honestly hate this and if it wasn't for those I love and the grief they would have if I were to die, I would have killed myself by now.
Like I said originally, this is my truth.
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