Why do I do this to myself?

John and I went to Longwood Gardens yesterday. We were to meet up with a small group of "bears" from the D.C. area and thankfully they were a fun group of people. The gang met up a bit later than we had planned and John was on a time constraint. He wanted to catch the last Pipe Organ sing-a-long at 4PM so he went there and I waited for the rest of the guys. Once everyone was there we went off but I had to meet John so we parted ways without getting a phone number to hook back up when the show was finished. I was so pissed that I forgot such an important aspect that it started a progressive anger wave inside me. I have always had anger issues because of the abuse I got from other kids and my inability to deal with others on an equal level. So once John got out of his program I was already in a foul mood. We decided to use Facebook to try to communicate with the others and eventually found them in the middle of the "Christmas Path".
Longwood Gardens was nice if not really my cup-of-tea. I hate crowds with a blinding passion so I was honestly miserable when forced to walk the "Christmas Path". I feel bad because John couldn't really enjoy himself from my constant complaining and I just couldn't contain myself. Asinine adults and bratty kids make me want to murder, so I try to avoid crowds during the holidays. I just absorb too much negative energy that gets past my defenses and I'm like a bomb that never goes off.  Thankfully we eventually met up with the gang just in time to leave.
We went back to the one couples apartment in Delaware and had a nice time chatting and eat the best home made chili and pulled pork sandwiches I ever tasted. John and I ended the night tired as hell but having had a good time.