School Days, school days, how I hated you.

I’m not really sure how often I should post so I’m winging it for now, but on with the School years.

My sister Cathy was a hellion (but always for a just cause) and my sister Jean was the good girl. Me? I was really only thought of as the school punching bag or the “weird” kid.

From an early age I was the kid that was picked on at school. Every day was bad and some days were worse than that. I honestly thought I was cursed. The near daily torture from the seemingly endless school bullies at least made me aware of just how different I was compared to everyone around me. I couldn’t turn my back on others, some would see that as a weakness but it was strength for me. I always knew I was a part of something greater when I helped others.

As for the whole gay issue, I think I was 8 or 9 when I started to feel “different”. I went through puberty really early having started at age 10 and really getting my secondary characteristics at 12. It made me a target because I looked much older than I was. Heck I was shaving at 13 and started going bald at 14. I however am digressing from the “Gay” issue.

A few months before my dad died I had started getting these feeling for other boys. There was a kid named Michael in my class that I absolutely adored but he was a jock and never spoke to me, but he at least never hit me or called me names so that was enough. He was the first in a line of guys I would infatuate over without thinking of sex as a component. I have never been an overly sexual being, emotion and spiritual bonding is what makes a relationship for me not sex, so I would throw myself into friendships with guys as a way to be with them.

I was 13 when I met the most influential male in my life up until I met my husband John. I was a huge comic book geek (still am) as a kid and my mother knowing I had no friends worried I would turn out even more odd than I already was so one night at her single parents meeting she asked the group what to do. One of the other mothers who was recently divorced said she had the same problem with her son and they decided to introduce us. That act of kinship between concerned mothers is probably the reason I never committed suicide.

Enter into my life Eric, my brother from another mother, and in many ways my first true love. Just the simple act of having someone I could talk to was enough to keep me from going over the edge. As kids we were inseparable, talking on the phone for hours, together every chance we could be. Eric unfortunately went to a different school and lived a distance away so it was hard to get to see him as much as we wanted to so the phone was our lifeline. I think because I had him in my life and my own reduced sexual urges I didn’t feel the need to be with anyone sexually for a long time. In fact I was 17 before I really started the need for sexual release and that was with a girl.

Around age 16 I started to feel attracted to women, which was a relief as I was beginning to think I might be gay. I had a massive crush on my gym teacher (a tall muscular blond bear of a man) and when I started “dating” Debbie I thought well maybe I’m not as screwed up as I thought until a group of us were all at a friends place and we were playing strip poker. The guy one of my friends was seeing had lost everything and was sitting across from me naked. I couldn’t take my eyes off his cock. I think everyone noticed, and I was mortified. I broke things off with Debbie and decided living as a hermit may be my only option. My Grandmother was worried I would turn out “funny” because I had no strong male presence in my life so she kept pushing my uncles Jack and Richard on me. Uncle Dick is a Catholic brother and a great guy, he is also exactly what I look for in a man. Spiritual, sensitive, furry, he is the whole package and while he is adopted he’s still my uncle and so off limits even if he were gay, so I had some very interesting emotional rollercoaster rides when we were together. My Uncle Jack was going through his own physical issues with a run of cancers so I didn’t want to burden him with my problems, besides he would have given me a “god loves you come back to the church” talk and I would never do that.

When I was 16 Eric and I found Dungeons and Dragons and a group had formed at my school. Thus entered my second love, Gaming! Between Eric and D&D my school years passed and I survived without doing harm to myself or others, although many, many, Orcs did see a brutal end. It would be 8 years from my first sexual encounter with a woman until I met Marc and had my first sexual connection with a male. I would like to say ‘Man” but Marc hadn’t lived up to that word.

My early life now that the introduction is out of the way.

The 1960's and 70's were a weird and wonderful time to grow up. So many important things happened, man had reached out into space, the civil rights movement had tremendous victories, and of course there was STONEWALL.

I remember watching news footage of the riots along with my father and thinking how strange it was that these people felt they had to fight because they seemed like white people and to my 6 year old mind only black people had to fight for anything like that. I also remember feeling a strange kinship with them that I couldn't explain. I only knew one "out" gay person as a kid, my father had a friend from the army that I called Uncle Ronnie, but my mother would never let me be alone with him and never explained why. Eventually i think my mothers dislike drove him away. I need to point out that Ronnie was always just a great guy. he never tried anything with me and  if he was my father's friend that says a lot about his character, mom was kind of close minded.

The next real contact I had with a "known" gay person was my sister Cathy's friends Jim and Andy. I was going through puberty at the time and so my own sexuality was starting to come into focus left me very confused. I understand now that what I was feeling was my attraction for them but at the time I read it as them wanting to have sex with me and it scared me into being a bit of an ass.  

The only other thing I remember was that supposedly in an apartment complex near my house was a guy who "liked little kids" and we were to steer well clear of those apartments.

Next up... The School Years (bring a blanket and flashlight kids, were going into some very scary territory there.

In the interest of fairness and open dialog

I guess I'll start this out by telling you about myself.
The Early Years
I grew up in a lower middle class suburb of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in the USA. The youngest of three kids I have two older sisters, mom raised us as my father died when I was ten years old. Dad was a great guy and loved by everyone he met, He was raised Roman Catholic from a largish family who all loved each other very much. Mom was shy and very conservative having grown up privileged and Southern Baptist. Other important people in my live as a child and young adult were my paternal Grandmother who loved me dearly but seemed to know I would turn out gay. She actually told me once not to use the word pretty. "only girls use that word. Men don't even notice these things". I was describing a field of flowers at the time. My uncle "Brother" Richard a catholic brother and track coach for the Christian school he worked at, A great guy who I never really gave to much time to, mainly because I didn't want any other man in my life but my dad and he was already gone. The only other person who had a major impact on my life was my best friend Eric, and well get into that later.