The hazards of being a spiritual gay nudist

I don't think I've ever really touched on this before but In my quest for personal truth I should let you all know I'm a closet nudist... Or I was one up until I typed those words.
Being naked has always been a priority fore me at home. Even as a kid I hardly ever wore clothing around the house preferring to stay in my bedroom where i had the privacy to be nude while I read or played BY myself (I had to make sure the pervs in the audience, and you know who you are, didn't think I was playing WITH myself) my parents never spoke to me about it and so I assumed it was OK with them. In my teens I got more daring coming out of the room wrapped in a sheet and my underwear or a jockstrap. It was the only way I was comfortable and I would even have friends over dressed only in the sheet and undies. No one ever said a word to me so I kept on doing my thing.
Once I moved out of my families house I was going naked most of the time only putting on clothing when company came over. Mary seemed annoyed with it (but she was annoyed with everything I did so... whatever). John is a closet nudist as well. We used to go to the nude beech at Sandy Hook NJ but never get there anymore because boarding the dogs for a day is too expensive, An internet friend who's also a nudist has offered to let us keep the dogs in his fenced in yard for the day but John won't hear of it. I'm beginning to suspect that John doesn't want to make new friends and especially not anyone I'm interested in meeting. But that's not the topic of this post.

The topic of the post is the Hazards of being a Spiritual gay nudist. The main issue I'm having is sex drive over spiritual drive.  and what is appropriate to say to people. Just looking at the profiles of nudists you get the impression that they are all thin beautiful men with ENORMOUS dicks. honestly where do they get them? 'Cause I want to place my order ASAP. Anyhow... I look at these pictures and many say they are Bi or Bi-curious (and as any gay man will tell you from experience that means they have their legs in the air faster than a speeding bullet, Even the 'straight' ones are (To use a friend's term) Hetroflexable. So I like an infant to the wolves start friending guys that seem to have a spiritual bend but I'm so distracted by the beautiful bodies I start to devolve to my basest instincts and tell them how fantastic their dicks are. But I'm NOT here to pick up strangers damn it! i would love to find a spiritual nudist group to be a part of but until I get a leash on my baser drives I'm gonna have to take it slow (and deep).
God damn it!

PS: Still no word from Phoenix. I would just write it off but there's so much this move would fix about our present living conditions that I can't just abandon the dream.

Round 2 is up to bat.

John had the College call him (where the radio station is overseen in Phoenix) and instead of doing any more phone interviews they scheduled him to fly out and do a face to face on July 19th. We both see this as a very good thing, I'm so excited for him and for myself.

I'm tenativly looking into Phoenix and the surrounding area for job prospects and possible pagan and gaming groups. I think I'll really be able to start learning more about being "Two Spirit".

Master Numerology Number 11

Your Numerology Profile

Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one. 

In Numerology the Number 11 represents the "Spiritual Messenger." Those carrying an 11 in their chart are in some way, or possibly every way, on a journey of spiritual enlightenment meant to bring divine insights to us all. 

Having the Master Number 11 as your Life Path makes you an inspiration to others. Your high energy and enthusiasm is both contagious and magnetic. You are on a journey of spiritual exploration and those around you await the answers you find.

Positive Traits

Intuitive, Sensitive, Bright, Visionary, Spiritual, Uplifting, Creative, Inspirational, Optimistic

Negative Traits

NONE

Associations

Tarot: Justice
Astrology: Sagittarius, Aquarius, Uranus, Neptune, Mercury
Rune: Tiwaz
I Ching: #63 Chi Chi
Tree of Life: 
Hebrew Letter: Kaph
Shamanism: Hummingbird 
Element: Air 
Alchemy: Air and Diamonds 
Aura: Blue and White 
Colors: Ruby Red, Violet, Iridescence, Silver 
Gemstones Topaz
Crystals: Mother of Pearl
Month: November 
Week Day: Sunday
Lucky Numbers: 29, 38, 47, 56, 65, 74, 83, 92, 101
Flora: Lilly

Waking to a coming Dawn.

I originally posted to my LJ account back in 2007. I really like it so I'm posting it here.

Waking to a coming dawn.

            I woke up yesterday. Really woke up. I understand that I was dreaming this whole time and now that I'm awake the images and experiences in my dream state make sense. I am not admonishing myself for being a dreamer, more the opposite, I'm thanking the dreamer and honoring the dream. 

I have dreamed I was a person of power only to wake up and see it was truth.

I have dreamed I was loved and woken to find it true.

I have dreamed of light and love and found I am a source of these gifts.

I have dreamed my path was an easy one, it is not the truth but the effort is worth the pain.

I dreamed that I was above the need for sex, but that is a dream that is anathema to life.

I had dreamed that what I did to my body was of no consequence as my focus was to be on my fellow man only to find that I must care for myself as much as I care for others. If I don't honor myself on all levels that I am denying my own self worth.

I have found that just dreaming is never enough. My actions must be a reflection of my dreams for the world.

Now that my eyes are open to the true light of day I know that the universe has a plan. I see the underlying connections and consequences of my actions and inaction. I see the light of the universe returning to our world, exposing the dark things the night allowed to usurp our potential and our truths.

I am Joe Leven.

And I woke up yesterday.

S.A.D.D. aka Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder.

I’m at a strange place right now. I, like many spiritualists, am approaching a huge leap in my soul’s journey. Connections are flying fast and furious and I’m taking these connections as the gifts they are, however they compete with one another for my attention.  One of my greatest downfalls is a sort of Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder (Now to be called SADD); I get so excited over new experiences and concepts that I forget the things I’m already working on. I have to remain focused on the things that are most important to me and retain my center; it’s very hard for this bear.

2 things are important to me at the moment:

1) Creating an Intentional Community: John and I want to be able to retire to a home surrounded by those we love and where there’s magic in the air. Finding people who want to be a part of this is proving to be hard as many people don’t want to live in Maine, but the open spaces and natural beauty are compelling reasons to start a faerie community up there.

2) Keep reaching for the Light and understanding the presence of recurring themes in my life. The connection of Egyptian energies and the style of Reiki I was taught, the constant draw toward ceremonial magic and the need to seek the meaning of certain beings in my life. I believe that like the Angel Raziel showed Adam, there is a path to oneness and I am on this path. 

The Big post on My Spiritual Path, or...

The way of the Neo-Atlantian.

As my life changes, I’m finding myself needing to vocalize and set down my path. I’m a neo-pagan but I feel I’m a bit outside the mainstream pagan (try getting that to fit inside your brain). I’m a light worker, I practice Reiki, I’m an empath, and a Shaman.

I’m also something beyond all of those concepts. I’m an “out” Mage. I let people know I’m a will worker and have no qualms sitting and discussing the “occult” with non-believers and the general public. I feel it’s time to step outside our secretive ways and stand in the light.

But what IS a Neo-Atlantian? What makes me any different than any other pagan?  Maybe nothing but I’m still going to type this out.

Let’s start out with “What is my concept of Atlantis?”

Plato discusses Atlantis twice. First is In Timaeus http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/plato/timaeus.htm and then again in Critias http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/plato/critias.htm

In these we understand that there was a world before the ancient Greeks and Egyptians, so old that no one really knows its name, the name Atlantis is acknowledged as a Greek pseudonym.

From there we have Ignatius Donnelly’s Atlantis, The Antediluvian World. http://www.sacred-texts.com/atl/ataw/index.htm

I have my own past life memories of a land ancient and amazing to me. I will be going into that in my next posting on Spirituality.

The basic concept to me is a community passed on democracy and deep social justice. A place like America should be. Science and faith are one and the same thing, compassion and wisdom are key thoughts on everyone’s minds, a place where no one goes hungry or scared to be whom and what they are.

What is the “Ultimate Goal” of my path?

I’m trying to tie a lot of loose disparate concepts together and mold them into my spirituality. I believe in Psychic phenomena, Aliens, Angels, Magic, polytheism, new age philosophy and am very Universalist in my views of faith.

My main gods and goddesses are Ptah, Obatala, Odin, Hestia, The triple Goddess, Isis, Horus, and Thor. A disparate grouping to be sure but they all have a place in my soul. But I know they are all aspects of a greater power. I feel that the Angel Raziel is guiding me to a path that is all my own towards greater union with the divine in the universe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raziel I feel we all have our own version of the “Book of Raziel” built into our souls, like it’s encoded into our DNA, and we all have the duty to ourselves and our greater selves (past and future lives) to walk the path our personal books direct us to. I’m finding that the longer I’m true to my path the stranger and more wonderful my life becomes.

Rules for living the Neo-Atlantian dream…

1. Speak the truth about all matters of importance. I believe there is room in my life for little white lies, common courtesies, but never if asked directly and never if answering a question of importance to the questioner.
2. Defend yourself and others. Compassion and caring are central tenants of my path, as is defending the weak and those less empowered than myself.
3. Reveal falsehoods. We all see them every day. People led to believe things are factual when they clearly are not.
4. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of others. We can’t forget to have compassion for ourselves. We are as important as the rest of the world. For me and many others this is an important lesson.
5. Get rid of the excess in your life. Material objects can be wonderful but they have a tendency to add to the stagnation in your life, they are also distractions that keep you from becoming your most perfect self.
6. Be especially thankful for all things, Life is an amazing thing. It really is what you make of it so be thankful for all things, good and bad, as they are all ‘mile markers’ along your path.
7. LOVE! I cannot express this enough. Love the people in your life. Let them KNOW what they mean to you. Never let a chance go by to tell them what you feel. Take no one for granted because it reduces both of you. I try to live this but life gets in my way quite a bit.
8. Study and Learn as much as you can. Knowledge and wisdom are important things. Try to be well rounded, learn what you need to survive and what you will need to help your community survive as well.

I’m sure I will be adding to this as I walk my path but this is the basics. I hope I have explained myself to some degree.

Love and Lightning,

Joe

A very special Inspiration Monday: 8/23/2010

Life is a very strange and wonderful thing. While it can throw some amazingly bad things at you out of nowhere it also has a way of slapping you upside the head with something, or in my case someone, truly wonderful.

Not to long after John and I had started living together we were sitting in his office area of Phoenix Hi Fi. (His old stereo store) just talking about our pasts and he mentioned his old college roommate Ken. He said he actually missed speaking to him and wondered what ever had happened to him after college. I encouraged John to contact Villanova and see if he could get in touch with Ken so he called the University and lo-and-behold Ken had been tying to find John. So they gave John Ken’s number and he called.

John and Ken had a nice chat and when John mentioned he had recently gotten married Ken wanted to speak to me. Well there was an instant connection between us and our discussion turned to the metaphysical much tom John’s surprise.

Well long story short Ken and I shared a past live and He owed me big time. (I’ll get to that in a future tale I promise). I went to meet Ken on my own one weekend and He took me to see the most astounding woman named Brenda.

Brenda, Ken and I have a very strange past life connection and it has deep resonances with me even today. Ken had introduced me to Brenda so she could teach me Reiki http://www.reiki.org/faq/whatisreiki.html and get my healing gifts more under control.

What Ken didn’t tell me was that He had promised Brenda that I would teach her to read Tarot “by the book” something I do not do. Brenda and I had a whirlwind session of Reiki training and attunements that I will never forget. Brenda herself is one of the most compassionate and loving people I know and I kind of worship her as one of my great teachers. Well from those initial 2 meetings I have grown significantly as a healer and a man and I attribute some of that to Brenda even though we seem to keep loosing touch, mainly due to my being a terrible correspondent and friend.

In the past few weeks I have been getting the call to actually DO SOMETHING with my healing gifts and I really was feeling a bit outside my comfort zone (as I’m a bit of a chicken when it comes to expressing what I can do) and I really wanted to talk to Brenda about what and where and who to set myself up as a healer so I decided to search for her on-line for the thousandth time. Here she’s on Facebook, who knew!

So we’re getting back in touch and I’ve had 2 Reiki sessions in one weekend with at least one repeat customer and the potential for a referral from him to his family member. I’m feeling calm (strange for me) and like I’m starting to walk a path I had long forgotten was there.

Sort of a Rant, but not really.

Firstly I want to apologize for my lack of posting. I just ran out of words there for a bit.

Ignorance is NOT bliss and the Ignorant are not blissful


I am full of pique at the people of America who are condemning the Muslim cultural center in Manhattan, and Mosques around the country. If they would only stop being led by Fox News and the right wing fuckwads who spread hate, they might realize that all Muslims are not the cause for the Terror attacks of 9/11 any more than all Catholics are responsible for Priests who molest children. The thought is ridiculous and honestly shows how far our fellow American's minds have degraded.
We have a constitution that states there is religious freedom in America. No one has the right to block or even fucking protest the erection of a place of worship, no matter who they are. My fellow pagans, mystics, spiritualists, etc. we need to stand up to the Christian power base on this and protest their protestations.
While my personal opinions of Islam are very strong I will not allow anyone to abuse a minority group who has done nothing to us. The majority of Muslims I know are good and loving people who don't deserve any of this crap.
If this were a Wiccan cultural center and this was happening I know just about everyone I know would be up in arms, writing letters, raising funds and protesting the people against the center. There is really no difference here. The Muslim people as a group did NOT cause 9/11 and deserve some peace from the constant persecution they are experiencing It's not right more than a little evil and definatly UNAMERICAN.

Love and Lightning,
Grimm

Inspiration Monday 8/09/2010

I have instituted a policy over on my Facebook page called 'Inspiration Mondays'. Too often I find my friends complaining about having the Monday blues and how horrible Mondays are but lets be honest, That's not how we should look at ANY day let alone the one day a week where we get to start the work week fresh. I offer to you a song that asks us to witness Strength, nobility and the struggles of all people to be free from oppression.

I'm adding a special extra Spirituality post today.

I actually wrote this up a few years ago for a group I was facilitating on Magical thought.

I do a lot of work with Totemic spirits. I first met Bear when I went to a sun wheel in New York state back in 1984.

My shamanic teacher and two friends came with me to this weekend Native American festival and we were camping during it.

At the beginning of the festival I had realized I forgot my money and only ad a few dollars in my pocket (Thankfully meals and such were provided.). I was feeling a bit foolish but since I didn’t need for food or anything else I decided to buy myself a quartz crystal. I bought a small shard and it hummed lovingly in my hand. I knew this would be a wonderful time.

We started the festival a few minutes later with a circle of us holding hands and chanting around the Medicine wheel. As we started to channel the energy from one to another I went dead inside and got the feeling I was not wanted there.

I panicked and joined the hands of the two people I was holding hands with and ran into the woods crying. I was probably about a quarter mile away from the fest when I stopped and sat down on a log in the woods.

I took the crystal I had just purchased and said to the Great Spirit “If I’m supposed to be here and this is my path show me! I need a sign!”

I went quiet inside all of a sudden and walked back to the “Taj Mahal” (The tent my friend Eric and I were using was something like a 12 man tent. It was huge and the people around us named it the Taj.)

I lay back on my sleeping bag and listened to the sounds around me. Then it got surreal…

I was looking over to where I could see the shadows of people passing by on the side of the tent when I saw her/him there was a huge golden glowing bear image. I could see right through it but it was there none the less. As I sat there unable to believe what was happening I heard Annabelle (My teacher) and Shelly walking past the tent. I said aloud “Annabelle! Could you look in here please?”

She popped her head in and looked directly at where I was looking and said “Joe This is between the two of you. Just remember what I’ve told you about spirits.” And she shut the tent flap and walked away FAST!

Knowing that this was my destiny I got on my knees (the tent was still to low to stand in for my 6’2” frame and crawled over to the bear. He/she opened it’s arms and we melted into one another. From that moment in my life I have always known I was to be a healer and walk the path of BEAR.

And yes this is the true story with no deviations.

My family, my spirituality, and the weirdness that is my life.

This is a brief interlude from the gay side of my life. If i'm to be truthful in one aspect of my life I must be truthful in ALL aspects. You have been warned.

From an early age I was very different from the other kids. This has nothing to do with my homosexuality and all to do with my being a psychic intuitive.

My Mom used to tell me stories of when I was a little kid and would walk up to strangers and tell them things about themselves that I couldn’t possibly know. I remember one time where I told a woman at a department store that she had spots all over her chest. The lady started to cry as she had been diagnosed with lung cancer only days before. I never really gave it much thought until my kindergarten teacher asked me why I would draw all the colors around the people I drew. I told he it was the lights and she looked at me like I was nuts but it was the 60’s and people were starting to learn about auras and other psychic phenomena. That’s when I learned that others didn’t see the lights I could. I tried to keep it all back because I wanted to be normal, thinking if I was normal people would leave me alone.

I was never much of a prognosticator but when it did happen I would listen, The prime example of this was the day my Dad died.  Woke up with a bad feeling and couldn’t shake it. The feeling got worse as the day went on and I eventually knew I had to be away from the house that night. Something bad would happen and I wouldn’t ever recover if I was home. I called my Grandmom and begged to be allowed to sleep over her house, she relented after in started crying even though it was a school night. I couldn’t tell her what was making me so scared as I didn’t know myself, it was just a feeling of dread that I couldn’t shake although it was far less once I was out of the house. I awoke in the middle of the night to see my father and another man who I learned later was his father walking into my Grandmom’s studio apartment and wake her then vanish. She woke with a scream and maybe 15 minutes later my Mom and her brother, my uncle George, were at the door to tell us that my dad had died. He was watching a Phillies game on the TV while eating a hot dog, they scored a home run and he sucked the dog down his wind pipe. The only other person there was my sister Jean who was too small to do anything to help him but call an ambulance. Mom was working at the time and Cathy was at a friend’s house. Dad had died and I knew something bad would happen. I was blaming myself and was inconsolable. dad and I had always had a distant kind of love. He was much more comfortable around Cathy but we had started making headway when I started playing basketball, which I hated but I would have done anything for him.

I went up to my parish priest and asked him why my dad had to die and he gave the old boiler plate “God wanted him by his side” line. I refused to accept that and kept asking why that was, eventually father Brown said to me “To get away from you. Now leave me alone.” I have never hated anyone like I hated him. Needless to say that was the end of my time in the Catholic Church.

Time goes on though and wounds heal as much as they can. I shut my talents down. Refused to see or hear anything outside of the normal realm and felt some relief with that. Then I got hit upside the head when I was 17.

My Mother loved me and resented me I think. She was overly protective and really ran my life as much as she was able, although I found out many years later that she considered me her favorite and even told my sister that. When I was 17 she was diagnosed with colon cancer, something she had had for a long time without letting the family know about as she didn’t want to worry us. I was devastated by the news but thankfully had Eric and a few other friends to lean on. Mom held on for 8 years before she passed, it was not a pleasant experience those last few years.

When I was in my very early 20’s I met a girl named Annabelle and she helped me to reconnect with my gifts and how to better control them. Through her I learned to listen to the world in a very different way, she opened me up to so much and for that I will always be grateful, even if she betrayed me and abandoned me when I needed my friends the most. But that’s a tale for my next post.