Conspiracy Theories.

I'm more and more becoming convinced that all the circumstantial and physical evidence shows that there has been at least one major world spanning culture in our distant past. If you want to call it Atlantis or Mu/Lumoria feel free but it was there.

We're all still here.

Everyone seems convinced that the Maya said the world would end yesterday. Obviously it hasn't but it's not true that they said the planet would end. They said the "world as we know it would end" that seems to be true. The political landscape all over the world is in upheaval and people are becoming more adept at global communication and thinking on a global level.
I'm excited by all of this but I also know it's only the beginning of a process that may take hundreds of years to bring to fruition.

Latest Dreams

Dreams:

 I had a dream a few weeks ago.

 I was young, maybe in my early teens, and I was walking through a housing complex with trees that had lost all their leaves and there was snow everywhere, not a storm, just light snow falling. I was discussing how trees were worthy of protections just like all other life forms with two teenage girls. The first girl was Native American (Peruvian or some other South American tribe) and a Girl who looked to be a Celtic maiden with red hair and fair skin.

Eventually we walked to a forest and the red haired girl asked if I wanted to understand the glamour and enchanting medicine of Brother Fox. I said sure, and we changed into Fox/human hybrids and ran happily through the woods on all fours. I woke up still feeling like I was with her in the woods and it took a few minutes to balance myself.

Last night I dreamt that I was sent to jail (I'm not sure why) and because I did everything they asked and was so nice to everyone the people who run the jail allowed me to walk around in cell blocks I was not in. At one point I was told I needed to go into solitary confinement and I did so willingly but I somehow got displaced from the guard and was wandering around looking for her. I noticed there was a fire in the building and alerted the guards. We were all ushered out into a court yard (now that I think about it we may have been under the tree from the Fabulous Mr. Fox) and watched the place burn.

The fire was put out and it was found to be the computer room that was burning. I went back into the building and walked into the cell of an old friend (in real life) named Balthazar.

He was selling gemstone jewelry out of his cell and they were all at ridiculous prices. He also had a ton of candles burning and I could tell they were spells of some sort. I told him  that I had come to understand working with/for him at the Gypsy Camp was what caused much of my bad luck over the years (I do not feel this in real life, my mistakes are my own) I looked at the price tag and they all had a price in dollars and an additional + number. I asked him if that was the payment on my soul for every purchase, every thing we ever did together and I woke up.

I'm not sure what that all means, I'm not blaming B for anything. He's been in jail for many years and may be dead by now as he was in ill health at that time. He did symbolize the essence of the modern wizard to me and maybe it's a warning to not become him, as if that were going to happen.

It's been forever.

Hi Guys, Gals and everyone in the mix,
I've gotten over my depression for the most part and am on the road to recovery. The good news is that I NEVER had a stroke. After nearly a year of living in uncertainty of what my condition was I found out who the doctor who was overseeing my care at the hospital when I was originally brought in for the "stroke" and he said that I never actually had one but they couldn't see any reason for the damage. H ordered an MRI of my neck and found out what is happening is I have such damage to my vertebrae in my neck (and most likely all of my back) that there are areas where my spinal fluid is being pushed away from my spinal cord. This is what is causing my pain and other symptoms. The doctor seems pretty sure that surgery can help me but they have to run a lot more MRIs and x-rays to make sure of all of the damaged areas. I consider that good news. Now I know what I'm dealing with, and that there is hope.

John is doing very well. He has been dieting and has lost 30 some odd pounds and is cutting out many of his diabetes drugs. He started a new job at a radio station that he was told would be news radio but has turned out to be Republican Pundits' galore. He is not happy with the stuff they play but he loves the job other than that and they love him.

All of our "fur children" are fine.

Dieting sucks when your husband is of no help.

You know I LOVE my husband John, but (you knew there was gonna be a but) I really want to strangle him at times. I'm trying to diet. My doctor put me on the South Beach Diet and it's really hard on me.

For the first two weeks it's all protein and veggies, NO carbs at all. Well seeing as we have no kitchen it's pretty much impossible for me to do this diet seeing as I can't even make a freaking egg, let alone keep anything fresh. So the basic diet of protein and veggies is really hard unless I want to eat salads for breakfast. I can't cook veggies unless I make a mess and only canned veggies at that which means extra salt which I can't have. So, No protein and no veggies unless we go out to eat which I can't afford on my own as I would be for breakfast. I've been trying to get by with canned fruit in the mornings instead of cereal but that, the fruit, of course is carbs and I shouldn't be having that.

I have tried many many times to get John to realize that I'm struggling to keep to my diet but with out a food prep area/kitchen it's almost impossible. He of course seems to think I'm being "to hard on myself" and jumping in head first without giving myself time to adjust to the diet. But that's the god damned point. I'm not allowed carbs so my body will "reset" itself and get my "unhooked" from carbs.

So I have a husband that:

1) wants me to lose weight

2) will not help me make room for a kitchen of any type

3) is actually enabling me to stay heavy by not helping me stick to my diet.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband but there are times I just want to smack him.

Marriage Sanity

I want everyone to understand that I love my hubby John with everything I have and want everyone to feel free to do so (Maybe not with John, find your own partner).

When we talk about Marriage we need to be very specific on what we mean. There are two types of marriage,

1) Holy Marriage: The recognition of a union in the eyes of a religious community like the one John and I had in 1995 at the First U.U. Church of Reading (We have the honor of being the first male couple married there.)

2) Civil Marriage: The recognition of the government of a union in the eyes of the legal and greater society outside of religious institutions. We had ours at the U.U. Church of Provincetown in 2004.

Stated clearly as it can be you should be able to have a Civil Marriage simply by being a member of your country. In the United States of America we say "all men are created equal" and thus all people gay/ straight or otherwise should be able to marry.

Things become slightly murkier with Holy Marriage, but If your religion allows it, marry who you want, however if the dogma of your faith teaches you that you can only marry the Opposite gender then that's what you have. Now you can actually have a Civil Marriage if you want but it can't be recognized by your faith.

There you have it. stated as simply as possible. There is no right to deny LGBTQ people a Civil Marriage ever, we have protections in our constitution against that, and if your religion allows it have a Holy Marriage as well.

But don't you fucking DARE to tell me I can't get legally/Civically Married just because you or your faith says so. By doing that all you do is spread ignorance and hatred. 

Updates and traumas.

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long but I have been going through a lot of physical and emotional crap. As you know I had a "Non-Cerebral" stroke that fucked up my left side only weeks after having a minor heart attack. Well about 6 weeks after the stroke I threw some blood clots and Killed off a major portion of my spleen.
My day to day physical strength seems to wax and wane for unknown reasons but is most definitely on the decline. My left hand is all but a claw most of the time and I'm starting to have tendon pain when I stretch it out. Add to that the fact that my doctor has put me on a diet I cannot stick to, not because of cravings but because I have no kitchen in order to prepare my own food. We eat out all the time.
My emotional and spiritual life is just as bad I'm always on the verge of tears feel like there is no hope most of the time but I know that's bullshit intellectually so I keep plowing on.
I am now on Social Security (SSI) and Medicaid so at least my meds and doctors appointments are covered. But I just had to basically throw myself to the floor to get out of the bath tub. I honestly hate this and if it wasn't for those I love and the grief they would have if I were to die, I would have killed myself by now.

Like I said originally, this is my truth.

Bariatric surgery

Well I made the leap and contacted Jefferson University Hospital and set up a Bariatric Consultation for April 9th at 8 am. I'm already looking at diets and how to eat before and after surgery. I think I'm going to start eating right in preparation for the possible surgery. This is going to suck but I feel it's needed when 3 of my doctors agree that it will keep me alive.

Well I have started a new way of life. Low sodium diet (2000mg) is hard as fuck. Plus I made an appointment with Jefferson University Hospital Bariatric consultants. I have to lose this weight and fast. I have the will power of a flea with ADHD, so I'm hoping this works, I think with the last few months and all the bullshit I've been through physically I'll be able to do it.

Well it was coming like a freight train at me...

My heart condition Atrial Ahrrythmia is getting out of control. For years Doctors have been telling me to lose weight or get severe physical health problems and bang here they are. There are only 2 choices for me neither is preferable. The one I didn't choose is to just stay in Ahrrythmia and take more meds hoping they keep me stable (already told the chances of winning the lottery is better. The choice I DID decide on is to try the cardiac shock again and start on a drug that has far better success at keeping people in normal sinus rhythem but after 4 years has some terrible side effects like thyroid, lung, and liver disease. The doctor swears that I'll be monitored and the first sign of trouble they will stop the drug.

Now with both options comes the dreaded mandatory diet. I am advised to get barriatric surgery and informed the doctor that Unitedhealthcare will not cover any type of weight loss surgery. I can only hope that John does get the new job as the benefits package is supposedly first rate.

Fuck Me!

I'm back in the hospital! My heart started revving up and I couldn't breath. The doctors say I'll either be released tomorrow or they will shock me back into normal rhythem, well have to see.

Sorry to be away.

Goddess the past few months have been awful. Minor heart attack followed 2 weeks later by a "non-cerebral" stroke that has left my left side not so good and then a month and a half later I get a blood clot in my spleen and it has now died off, but they can't remove it due to all the blood thinners I'm on.
Of course all of this is overshadowed by my anxiety over applying for Disability. I'm not sleeping and overeating from the stress.

But enough with the bad. I'm getting involved with the Radical Faeries in Philly and love the group so very much. Heart Circles are a magical thing.

John is up for a job change to another station and I hope he gets it. He hates his boss so much.