On January 2nd I went back into the hospital. I started gaining a LOT of water weight that put a strain on my boy and caused my heart to go back into Afib. A week later and I was fine and now a week later than that I'm still doing well.
*** The next section may shock and offend you, please do not read if you think anything I write can change your mind about me. I have warned you all that this is about MY truth and if I hold things back how truthful am I being?***
A few months ago I convinced John that it was OK for him to play outside the marriage. I've had no sex drive for years and I know it was wearing on my oversexed hubby so I made sure he understood that I was alright with him doing it and all has been well for us both. I no longer feel guilty and he no longer feels trapped. This HAS NOT made our marriage weaker in any way. I think we're stronger and better adjusted for it. Lord and Lady know we love each other just as much if not more than before, as if that was possible.
But now I'm feeling the stirrings of my own sexuality again after so many years and find I'm a kinky SOB. I'm looking to get very deeply into the leather scene and some Master/slave, B&D scenes. I promised John if I started wanting sex again it would be with him but he wants nothing to do with the kind of sex I want, so here I am trolling leather websites for hookups, John knowing full well what I'm doing just as He trolls Bear websites. It's a strange and wonderful marriage I have and My love for my man will never fade.
So, This Monday a Master from Gaithersburg, MD wants to meet me and I'm very tempted to go but the distance is off putting. almost 3 hours there and 3 back again. That's going to be exhausting to me. Let alone if we have a play date..
Then next month I have been invited to a play party in Raleigh, NC where I'll be spending the long holiday weekend most likely naked and tied up.
I really need to find closer Kink friends.
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