Never let it be said that I didn't try hard to run from my destiny...

Saturday morning I pulled a rune for a 'forecast' of what would happen Sunday during my class on "Connecting to the Universal Muse". The Rune I pulled was The Blank Rune called Wyrd.
The website Bewitching ways www.bewitchingways.com gives us:

"Runes are thought of as mysterious, as secrets, and the Blank Rune is the biggest secret of all-the secret of Fate. It stands apart from the rest of the runes, even as it has become a part of the divination system. It represents the X in the human condition.

The Blank Rune is also called Wyrd (pronounced "weird"), which is the collective name given to the Norns, the three goddesses or fates of Teutonic mythology. Their individual names are Urd, Verdandi, and Skuld; they represent the three aspects of time-past, present, and future. The Norns rule over the karma that each person has accrued during his or her incarnation.
Wyrd indicates fate-those events that are fated or inevitable. They cannot be evaded, no matter what you do. Those events indicated in the reading may be good or bad, and the other runes in the cast will determine the nature of the event.

Wyrd also indicates fatefulness. When it falls in a prominent position, it indicates that if a particular step or choice is taken, life will never be the same again. Again, this could be good or bad. The rune or runes in the result position will often guide the querent as to what move he or she should make.

Finally, the Blank Rune in a reading can indicate anything that must be kept secret for the good of the querent. It can signify things relating to others that the querent has no business knowing. Wyrd is often prominent in rune casts where the querent is asking for information that is none of his business."

I immediately realized I was going to meet someone there who would change my life for the better. I also put it out of my mind as I already had enough to worry about and my stage fright was already giving me chills.

After a bad night I was able to catch an hours nap and went to the Gallery. 

Once there I met Michele. She was a woman I met the week before but was too tired to read for her, she however remembered me and already had plans for me. Through out the day she would tell me little bits about how she coached people who were Life Coaches and who give talks to large groups I guess they are called Motivational Speakers. She is convinced I would be a perfect fit for a project she is putting together but has not explained everything to me yet. 

The talk went well but only 5 people showed up. Not that I should have expected more, it was poorly promoted and half of the people were my friends. I still did very well considering my lack of sleep. I'm still shocked by how people react to me when I speak to groups. I feel a little bit unworthy of the attention and yet I can't begin to tell you how blessed I feel that I have this obvious gift with people. The attendees loved the talk and afterward Michele, Eric (my best friend) and I discussed teaching and where I may be going from there and Eric getting into teaching Taichi. 

I'm looking forward to Michele and I having the time to sit and discuss what she wants from me and what she can offer me.

School Days, school days, how I hated you.

I’m not really sure how often I should post so I’m winging it for now, but on with the School years.

My sister Cathy was a hellion (but always for a just cause) and my sister Jean was the good girl. Me? I was really only thought of as the school punching bag or the “weird” kid.

From an early age I was the kid that was picked on at school. Every day was bad and some days were worse than that. I honestly thought I was cursed. The near daily torture from the seemingly endless school bullies at least made me aware of just how different I was compared to everyone around me. I couldn’t turn my back on others, some would see that as a weakness but it was strength for me. I always knew I was a part of something greater when I helped others.

As for the whole gay issue, I think I was 8 or 9 when I started to feel “different”. I went through puberty really early having started at age 10 and really getting my secondary characteristics at 12. It made me a target because I looked much older than I was. Heck I was shaving at 13 and started going bald at 14. I however am digressing from the “Gay” issue.

A few months before my dad died I had started getting these feeling for other boys. There was a kid named Michael in my class that I absolutely adored but he was a jock and never spoke to me, but he at least never hit me or called me names so that was enough. He was the first in a line of guys I would infatuate over without thinking of sex as a component. I have never been an overly sexual being, emotion and spiritual bonding is what makes a relationship for me not sex, so I would throw myself into friendships with guys as a way to be with them.

I was 13 when I met the most influential male in my life up until I met my husband John. I was a huge comic book geek (still am) as a kid and my mother knowing I had no friends worried I would turn out even more odd than I already was so one night at her single parents meeting she asked the group what to do. One of the other mothers who was recently divorced said she had the same problem with her son and they decided to introduce us. That act of kinship between concerned mothers is probably the reason I never committed suicide.

Enter into my life Eric, my brother from another mother, and in many ways my first true love. Just the simple act of having someone I could talk to was enough to keep me from going over the edge. As kids we were inseparable, talking on the phone for hours, together every chance we could be. Eric unfortunately went to a different school and lived a distance away so it was hard to get to see him as much as we wanted to so the phone was our lifeline. I think because I had him in my life and my own reduced sexual urges I didn’t feel the need to be with anyone sexually for a long time. In fact I was 17 before I really started the need for sexual release and that was with a girl.

Around age 16 I started to feel attracted to women, which was a relief as I was beginning to think I might be gay. I had a massive crush on my gym teacher (a tall muscular blond bear of a man) and when I started “dating” Debbie I thought well maybe I’m not as screwed up as I thought until a group of us were all at a friends place and we were playing strip poker. The guy one of my friends was seeing had lost everything and was sitting across from me naked. I couldn’t take my eyes off his cock. I think everyone noticed, and I was mortified. I broke things off with Debbie and decided living as a hermit may be my only option. My Grandmother was worried I would turn out “funny” because I had no strong male presence in my life so she kept pushing my uncles Jack and Richard on me. Uncle Dick is a Catholic brother and a great guy, he is also exactly what I look for in a man. Spiritual, sensitive, furry, he is the whole package and while he is adopted he’s still my uncle and so off limits even if he were gay, so I had some very interesting emotional rollercoaster rides when we were together. My Uncle Jack was going through his own physical issues with a run of cancers so I didn’t want to burden him with my problems, besides he would have given me a “god loves you come back to the church” talk and I would never do that.

When I was 16 Eric and I found Dungeons and Dragons and a group had formed at my school. Thus entered my second love, Gaming! Between Eric and D&D my school years passed and I survived without doing harm to myself or others, although many, many, Orcs did see a brutal end. It would be 8 years from my first sexual encounter with a woman until I met Marc and had my first sexual connection with a male. I would like to say ‘Man” but Marc hadn’t lived up to that word.