This is the post that will make me seem insane, and who knows maybe I am.*

* It’s a well known fact that if you think you might be insane you are NOT but if you believe yourself to be wholly sane then you are indeed a nut job.

OK, I have a real hard time with this one but here it goes. I believe in past lives. The reason I say this is I have been getting smatterings of memories of them from when I was a kid. Most are really normal, no great kings or queens, no prophets or world conquerors, but there has always been that one… the one in water.

Long before I could read I remembered the name Atlantis. It may have been said to me at one point or it could be a memory from another time but I always knew there was a place with that resonance to me. When my family would go to the shore I would imagine the huge stone blocks, megaliths (not that I knew the word at the time) on the shore line and people in robes and short skirts milling about on the shore. Their skin was a coppery color but non-metallic, I knew I was one of them but I was always in the water for some reason. I didn’t breathe water if that’s what you’re thinking I was just more suited to it. This was my memories of a land before all of America and the culture I grew up in, but it was home to me more than my current home.

I also had from a child a strange attraction to the stars, especially those of the Constellation Orion; I have never understood this other than I have felt my “celestial father” comes from there. Even now as an adult I will seek out Rigel in the night sky and smile up at whoever is looking back at me with a confidence that there is indeed someone doing just that.

In my mid twenties when I was working at the Ren Faire I was doing a lot of psychic/mystical work, more than I had ever done in my life before and it was opening channels in me that I hadn’t known were there. One night as I lay on my bed I suddenly saw flaming letters appear in front of me. They spelled out a name and I instantly knew this was a sort of “soul-name” it burned itself into me and I started seeing more flashes of that past life. I mentioned this the next weekend to Annabelle and she said she didn’t trust it for some reason. I didn’t know what to think and so I put it out of my mind, but it wouldn’t stay there for long. I had been feeling a strange lump like a bubble of darkness in my stomach all week since the word appeared and on the way home it started to expand. I was driving and had a full carload of friends with me. Annabelle was in the back seta and said to me

“What are you doing? I can barely control my totem spirit. It wants to stop you from whatever you’re doing”

Sweating like prizefighter I could feel the Wolf spirit at my neck and said, “I’m not doing anything myself. It’s this ball of negativity. It wants out.”

I pulled the car over and got out, I pushed the darkness away from me into the night and I seemed to be better but we we’re all a bit upset after that. No one had any experience like it before, but that’s what seems to happen when I spend time with other mystical types, things get strange, but usually in a fun way.

I got home and meditated on what had occurred and made contact with my past life self in a way, I got to see myself in a reflection and learned I wasn’t like the others on the shore. I was a half-breed, part man, part other. I’ll spare you an in depth description but I had gray skin and long tendrils coming off my back my face and body were human enough but I had some extra appendages. But topping it all off I had POWER. My alien heritage allowed me to tap into the energy centers of the planet better than a human. It was in part my doing that destroyed my civilization, but I would learn later it was not entirely my fault.

Yes I know it sounds insane and I sometimes think I’m imagining it myself except for the corresponding experiences.

I asked many people who I trusted in the ways of the wise to help me make sense of this and the most often said thing was to accept this part of myself as a gift and not some curse. But the strangest this I found was when I would say the “name” I had received aloud there were some people who would react like I had punched them in the guts, people who had no knowledge of the events or concepts behind the word. There was even a woman who I met in Texas who refused to come anywhere near me because she “knew who I really was”.

Years pass and I lost touch with many people from that crowd, I had come to terms with these strange events and memories when I met Ken, I mentioned Ken before he was a roommate of John’s in college, He and I shared that lifetime. In fact Ken was my owner during that life. It seems for all my power I had almost no concept of humanity or right and wrong, but that may be because I was raised to not have interaction with anyone but my owner and my handler/sister? Who it turns out is Brenda in this lifetime. Brenda used hypnosis to help me remember the more detailed points of the lifetime. I can hear snatches of the language but don’t really understand it; I get the feeling that the actual location of the city I keep seeing is now located in our Andes Mountains. I even know there is a crystalline cavern underneath the main docks that is still there if we can find it.

This regression helped me to understand and forgive my past self, to allow the gifts he wanted to bestow on me that dark night driving home from the faire, and to know it’s a blessing to know we are not alone even though the type of alien I was a part of is supposedly from Sirius C.

Well that’s the Atlantis story in all its tiny fragmented glory; take from it what you will. I believe it’s true. Here’s to you Solandaries, may you find love in the aether that you never found alive.